*Note regarding the AMI: In spite of their stubborn refusal to spell ‘moustache’ correctly and their obvious punctuation errors in regards to the Bat ‘Stache, we consider these gentlemen our friends. It’s simply impossible to stay irritated at people who love facial hair as much as they do.

Terrifying, I know. After all, moustaches are one of the few things remaining that are exclusive to the male gender (yes, I know…with a few exceptions). Until we raise the funds needed for further scientific research and self-defense lessons, I suggest the following. Number one, if you see a woman with a larger moustache than yours, run away. Number two, if your moustache is comparable, you’d better test hers to see if it’s real. Extensive forensic study on the above image has resulted in the astonishing revelation that her moustache may actually be suspended from her sunglasses.

Today is Gideon Sundbäck’s 132nd birthday, and Google honored him with a doodle on their home page. He invented the zipper in the early 1900s. Which just goes to show, gentle readers, that dresses, trousers, and numerous other clothing items would not be able to be secured without the hard work and dedication of our kind. Society, my friends, depends upon us.

Here at our secret headquarters, we’re proud to be luddites. We grudgingly publish to this site and maintain e-mail addresses, but our preference is for communication by telegraph. Perhaps carrier pigeon. Our antique Remington typewriter sees frequent use. Hell, if I wasn’t acutely aware of the intransigence of modern society and their addiction to these damned glowing screens, I’d just post typewritten moustache articles on my front door and be done with it!

But I know that my readership is demanding. So I made a facebook page for the site. Yeah. You’re welcome.

I honestly have no idea what is happening in this photo, but this seems like the right time to post it.

Happy Easter, everyone.

Our undercover embedded correspondent in Markleeville, CA sends word of a breakthrough in the history of Moustached Americans – specifically, the discovery of historical tree carvings showing our presence. We now have documentation that Basque sheepherders in the Sierra Nevadas embraced the dynamic moustached lifestyle in the 1800s.