In spite of the continued misuse of facial hair by corporate advertisements hawking soft drinks* and recent historical research suggesting that the legend of Santa Claus may have been started by people in a frozen wasteland who were hallucinating their balls off, we at Moustached Headquarters would like to wish our dear readership a very merry Christmas.

*Everyone knows that Santa drinks whiskey, not Coca-Cola. Sometimes on the rocks, but never diluted. In fact, as a general rule, if a man with a moustache tells you that he doesn’t like whiskey, either he is lying or his moustache is fake. And now you know that.