Moustache Lifestyle Research: How To Do It

A telegraph just arrived at our office from an overseas embedded correspondent with a message of great importance. Interesting side-note: My own experience growing a moustache was EXACTLY what Mr. Offerman describes here, although I wash mine with my own special blend of American rye whiskey and and a concoction of nutrients frequently used in gardening. Also, note that he snaps the razor in half, thus illustrating succinctly why we of the moustached community are so offended with the Movember movement. Be a man. Don’t shave.

by Fearless Leader Posted on November 5, 2012
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Moustache Lifestyle Research: The Warrior

I’m not a gamer. At all. Hell, I could hardly figure out how to play Super Mario on my cousin’s Nintendo 64 when I was a kid. Basically I randomly mashed buttons until things happened. And although I realize games have come a long way since then, in my adult life I have always preferred to hold a real shotgun and stroll around my beloved desert scanning the horizon line for zombies and assorted varmints rather than master the intricacies of a video game controller.

That said, the trailer for the new Call of Duty is directed by Guy Ritchie and the Moustache Wins. That is all.

by Fearless Leader Posted on November 5, 2012
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Nevada Day Beard & Moustache Contest 2012

Due in no small part to the generous libations available, your Fearless Leader abandoned his photojournalistic mission for this year’s event and threw himself wholeheartedly into the festivities. I’m proud to say that Virginia City took home the Most Bearded Community prize this year, as it should be!

by Fearless Leader Posted on October 29, 2012
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Moustache Humour: Ron Swanson

I’ll admit that I was completely oblivious to Ron Swanson and the Parks & Rec TV show until about 5 minutes ago, when I finally had the chance to research an anonymous tip from a reader. This is due in large part to your Fearless Leader’s tendency to be a luddite. I have never owned a television, and would much prefer that the contents of this site be transmitted by telegraph to any interested parties. But I digress.

The fact of the matter is that Ron Swanson is really damned funny. What’s more, my anonymous source sent me some behind-the-scenes info on his stache. Enjoy:

“Two weeks is a passable moustache. It’s like, ‘Yeah, that’s a moustache.’ But it takes longer for the upper nasal labial whiskers to reach the top lip. To grow the full ’stache is five to six weeks. Fun fact: facial hair is the provenance of the makeup department, not the hair department. We have this amazing makeup head named Autumn Butler, and she takes a lot of pride in maintaining Ron Swanson’s moustache.”

–Nick Offerman (who plays Ron Swanson on Parks & Rec, talking to The Believer

by Fearless Leader Posted on October 28, 2012
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A Word of Advice on Attracting a Moustache

The manly proclivities of the Moustached American are well known. It’s almost too easy to get our attention – the sound of a beer opening and a promise of female nudity are usually all that is necessary. But what’s less obvious is that we actually appreciate subtlety. For example, if a woman were to wear this, a Moustached American might go ‘Aha! She likes moustaches!’ And yes, I realize that our powers of deductive reasoning are impressive.

Thanks to our undercover informant in the fashion world for this tip.

by Fearless Leader Posted on October 23, 2012
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