A telegraph just arrived at our office from an overseas embedded correspondent with a message of great importance. Interesting side-note: My own experience growing a moustache was EXACTLY what Mr. Offerman describes here, although I wash mine with my own special blend of American rye whiskey and and a concoction of nutrients frequently used in gardening. Also, note that he snaps the razor in half, thus illustrating succinctly why we of the moustached community are so offended with the Movember movement. Be a man. Don’t shave.